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Social media has done a lot of great things for the book world in general, and romance in particular. It's raised visibility for countless authors and sub-genres, and made romance readers out of people who otherwise might have not discovered the genre, or dismissed it.
But as is the case with everything, there are always cons to the rise of romance on social platforms.
One of the biggest I've seen is that because so many of the romance novels in the zeitgeist are steamy/spicy/smutty, some new readers to the genre expect that every romance novel has sex in it.
And that if a romance novel doesn't have sex in it, it isn't a romance.
This isn't true!
A romance novel doesn't need sex, or even kissing, to be a romance.
Why?
Let's look at the definition of a romance novel.
What is the definition of a romance novel?
A novel with a central love story between two or more characters that ends in a happily ever after, or happy for now, between those characters.
Nowhere in there does it mention sex.
Repeat: the central love story does not have to include sex.
It doesn't even have to include kissing. Or touching of any kind.
Why doesn't a romance novel have to include a sex scene?
Romance novels don't have to include sex scenes, because sex is a plot device. It creates connection between the characters. But it's just one way of creating that connection.
Intimate touching, hugging, kissing, talking about feelings, sharing fears, meeting best friends—all of those drive connection and bring the characters closer.
And sometimes, sex doesn't make sense for the characters or the sub-genre.
For example, characters on the asexual spectrum, especially those who are sex-averse, might deepen their connection to their love interest/s in another, just as meaningful way. The same goes for characters with chronic pain conditions like vulvodynia or interstitial cystitis, though the reasons they don't have sex will probably differ from ace characters, unless they identify as both ace and having those conditions.
And Amish romances don't usually include sex, because of the values of the community they represent. The same goes for many inspirational romances.
Now, are there cases where sex is expected in a romance novel? Yes.
When do readers expect a romance novel to include a sex scene?
If you're publishing erotic romance. If you're writing an erotic romance, readers will expect some between-the-sheets action (though it doesn't have to happen between the sheets).
And if you're using the label smutty/spicy/sexy/steamy, then readers are going to expect to see some hanky panky, though I'll stress that in both cases, how exactly you define "sex" is up to you.
Why?
Because sex isn't one thing. It's whatever works for your characters, based on their bodies, abilities, sexualities, genders, and preferences. Sex in romance doesn't have to be penetrative. It doesn't have to end in orgasm. As long as it gets hot and heavy, and it's clear the main characters are sexually connected in the scene, you've fulfilled your readers' expectations.
Now, that's not to say that some books that include what, at least right now, are still sometimes (but shouldn't be, for all the reasons above) thought of as "alternative" sex scenes won't get the occasional bad review from a reader who went in expecting p-in-v, and doesn't enjoy whatever you've provided them instead.
But what you want to focus on is meeting the bulk of your readers' expectations, while staying true to your characters, their bodies, their preferences, and, just as importantly, your comfort level.
Want more examples of alternative ways to create connection between your characters that don't involve sex or touching? Check back here tomorrow for a list!
Until next post, happy reading and writing!