Writing a Romance Novel Sex Scene? Check Out These 27 Intimate Acts That Aren’t Penetrative Sex

For a long time, if you were reading a romance novel with sex in it, sex equalled penetrative sex, with a penis and a vagina. Thankfully this has changed over the years, with the romance genre incorporating more characters of different sexualities, abilities, and identities.

For the average reader, however, when they talk about “spicy scenes,” they’re likely still thinking about knob a going into slot b. And if a knob doesn’t go into a slot, often the expectation is that at the very least, a finger will.

And this idea that penetrative sex is the textbook definition of “sex” is a problem, because for many readers, that doesn’t reflect the way they get intimate with their partners, or it won’t be at some point in the future. Why?

Because penetrative sex doesn’t work for all bodies all the time. Everything from injury to hormonal changes to disability to gender identity to sexuality can affect whether someone wants to have penetrative sex or not, and the romance readership is made up of people affected by all those things. So showing more romance characters engaging intimately in non-penetrative ways benefits all of us—it makes the genre more inclusive, and makes more readers feel seen and validated.

And there is nothing better than a reader opening a book and reading about a character that reflects their lived experience. It is a deeply cool aspect of the genre.

But if you’re used to writing mainly penetrative sex, you might feel stumped about the other ways you can show your characters physically and/or intimately connecting (because intimacy doesn’t actually require touching; see #20, phone sex). That’s what this list is for, to inspire you and give some examples of the different acts you can include in your romance novel’s sex scenes. And yes, I said sex. Because all of these can encompass sex; sex is, after all, a broad range of things, not just slots and knobs.    

1. Making out

2. Skin suckling (earlobes, necks, etc.)

3. Nipple plugs

4. Intimate tickling, with or without feathers or other soft impact objects

5. Anal stimulation

6. Clitoral stimulation

7. Cunnilingus

8. Teabagging

9. Wax play

10. Blow job

11. Spanking

12. Hair-pulling

13. Massage

14. Bathing together

15. Biting

16. Frotting/dry humping

17. Mutual masturbation

18. Playing with toys like fleshlights, clitoral vibrators, anal vibrators, or cock rings

19. Sensual foot rub

20. Phone sex

21. Bondage

22. Roleplay

23. Primal play

24. Cum play

25. Milking

26. Perineal massage

27. Footjob

Remember: a good sex scene isn't necessarily one full of orgasms and screaming pleasure. A good sex scene is one that works in the context of your story and characters, moves the romance forward, and brings the characters closer physically, emotionally, or both.

Until next blog post, happy reading and writing!